Meanwhile, if you're in the mood for some utterly inconsequential and delightful pirate-based reading, do check out the two "Pirates!" adventures by Gideon Defoe. The one about the whale contains this exchange:

"So, Ahab," said the Pirate Captain, trying to get the conversation going. "Any luck finding that whale?"
Ahab's stony face seemed to set even harder.
"No, Pirate Captain. The beast has continued to evade me these past few days. Just last night I thought I'd finally cornered him, but it turned out to be a big bit of kelp."
"I'm sure it's an easy mistake to make," said the Pirate Captain sympathetically. "It sounds a lot like the time I got into all that confusion with a mermaid."
"A mermaid?" repeated Ahab, actually raising an eyebrow, though the rest of his face remained as impassive as ever.
"Oh yes. I went out with this charming mermaid for...ooh, how long would you say it was, Number Two?"
"About three months, Captain," said the pirate with a scarf, looking a little pained.
"Yes, about three months. It took that long for the lads to convince me that it wasn't really a mermaid at all. It was just a regular fish."
"Surely," said Ahab, "it is an easy enough distinction to make?"
"You would have thought that," agreed the Captain, "but what you have to appreciate is that the top half of that fish was just really very attractive. Normally I prefer the top halves of ladies to have arms and hair and all that, but this girl - or marlin, as I later came to realise - really carried it off. And she was a fantastic kisser."

